Bad Pussy!

Well, sometimes it can be damn hard to shake off the recovering catholicism.

I'm hoping that listening to a customised CD of kathellisism will do the trick - but yeah.....

OK in the catholic scheme of things - we are born to suffer, and jesus suffered for our sins, and if they hit you it hurts them more than it hurts you, and life is fundamentally tragic and you can't ever forget that, and people have it so much worse than us and never forget that however happy you might feel that you could lose it all in a minute and never forget that how sad you feel that someone has it so much worse, and so don't ever let yourself feel too happy or too sad, and don't think of yourself too much and don't think of yourself becaus eits selfish and you should always think of others, and pray for them.

and EVERY PLEASURE will be punished. you will suffer for your sins.

so what has this to do with mayhem? sitting typing late at night on a keyboard, working on her tome, working on her blog, planning more transgressive fun and random wild and crazy shit and having such a wild and crazy life and being so damn... COOL, and POPULAR, and having so much FUN?

well, Last weeks naughtiness - seems to have landed mayhem in a bit of hot water. That nice butch girl turns out to be a bit bloody intense.

ten texts per day kind of intense.

boasting about punch ups and then whining and groveling and making all kinds of WEIRD apologetic excuses - and dropping werid arsed disaster scenarios on me - "I'm leaving today! No i'm not! you've blown it! - i'll give you one last chance."

I went and hid at the consorts for 2 days with a bundle of marking and my tax return. Meanwhile she texted me salaciously describing naked sailing adventures on the harbour.

I had visions of a naked woman atop a 56 foot yacht saiing into delwood beach, and felt kind of aroused and kind of weird.

and the weird hot/cold psychodrama alternate reality monologue kind of reminds me of 'he that died not a moment too soon', my long deceased patermonster.

YUCK.

I was weepy and clingy and couldn't really explain why. fortunately consort can give me the pips but is really great when I'm messy (which is basically all those times when I'm not blogging about how fabbo my life is). He doesn't ask for explanations - just gives nice hugs and tender kisses and cooks good meals.

so after 2 days of pampering and soothing tenderness, I recrossed the harbour and collapsed with a migraine for 18 hours.


and migraines - those weird cerebral explosions can be pretty good for sorting out cobwebs and confusion. (tho its a pretty painful way to do it)

and I realised that the sapphic sex goddes is just a selfish psycho. Texting me till midnight ondering if she could breathe smokey boozy breath alll over me and fuck me as well.

(I guess she's never had a migraine - or she just has no clue).

so.

I'm doing my wallish act. Blankness . no responses. & my phone is switched off.

so, giiven such a messy complication - its easy to BLAME MYSELF.

You know? for taking risks. for fucking someone who hadn't fucked at least 3 of my friends.
for fucking a stranger, strangely


for being greedy and needy and trashy and enjoying being seduced and trashed and treated like trash and dominated and pushed around just a little....

for enjoying it.

but oh but.

Like TEDG says: a kiss is not a contract, and nor is a fuck.

and I was pretty clear the whole way through that "i'm not girlfirend material, I fuck around, and intend to keep doing so".

but psycho bunny doesn't appear to have ears.

so mayhem has retreated to assiduous work on the tome - only heading out with a masculine escort (hah! not quite) and hiding my phone.....

next time I have a random one nite stand - I go to their house - get their surname and address so if they turn psycho i can call the cops and get an AVO faster.....