Loving the Nags

I'm back at my desk peeping out the window for touches of blue. Sadly all I can see - is the shiny bonnet of some car in the carpark......

Melbournia seems to mainly consist of 2 variations of clouds: heavy grey sodden cold ones - or scary baking paper style sky coverings - on sweltering humid days that have no rain......

Anyway - at least yesterday was a beautiful sunny basking kind of a day....

Rennaissance girl and I hoofed it over to a mates BBQ where we sat in a backyard dozing and murmuring and giggling - and then briefly entering the home to 10 minutes of adrenaline fueled GLORY.....

Well - not quite.....

I love how horse race commentators alsways sound like OZ CRawl on Speed completely insanely speeded up slurring.... punctuated by "round the outside" and a breathy intake......

Kind of reminds me of Malcolm McLaren's "Buffalo Girls" - only with a different accent and different metre... but essentially it's a rhythmic spoken word soothe - accompanied by the drone of flies and that wonderful climactic ambiance of the last stretch....... as the crowds sigh and start roaring.......

I dunno why I'm trying to recuperate something that I basically think is fucked on every single level. I'm up there with Mahatir and Mohammed on the gambling thing....... I reckon it's a worthy tax on those who can't do maths, and a hand cutting offence for those who profiteer from it.....

and the whole bush bogan snobbery factor makes me puke.......


Anyway- cup day was a worthy conclusion to another breath holding feat of manic screeds.... doing crazy 6 hour shifts - then other 6 hour shifts.... tapping away - writing/editing/compiling/composing........

Sometimes I think it would be nice if writing wasn't so bloody INTENSE.

I had a vague hope that doing a tome would force me to be less insane about writing and my undergraduate habits of procrastinating into a feverish wallow of self loathing before bursting into a mad-panic flight of adrenalin fueled insanity - would be resolved... and I'd become one of those earnest dogged rational types.......

I mean wallow/panic/boom/bust/collapse cycle works well for 1500 word rants - but not for 90 000 words surely..... alas - and this is a very sorry admission....... It hasn't changed - just intensified........ My mental "sound bytes" now consist of 10 000 word chunks - imagined in an instant and executed in a sleepless sweaty mania......

I eat too much, don't move, don't wash, grunt at Renaissance girl and trip over the cat......

Having realised that writing is rewarding but insane unhealthy and unsustainable, I'm kind of wondering what I should take up next as a rational form of income sustenance........

So i'm off to ye olde dole shoppe to see what vestige of the welfare state I can call upon to feed my eating disorder and pay the rent while I keep tippy taping away......