Blogosphere....

sometimes I lerve the world on the poota screen..... zoo quoted my blog, and I've been having an 'awww shucks' mutual admiration moment with the red one, and an ex-PhD student has just publicly whinged about excessive weight gain, and it all makes me feel so much less alone and freaky.....

which might not be such a good thing.

I had a hideous week last week - I got stuck on a paragraph (yep - just one) for 4 days or something horrendous... maybe longer.....

It all started to come apart on monday.... I'd left that paragraph the previous friday for a weekend of domestic frolics, and facing it on monday, I cut and pasted and then I wrote a lot of paragraphs around it......

tuesday... ditto..... followed by a trip to yoga.....

On Wednesday I saw a counsellor, then tried a rousing trip to the NGV . I thought ART would cure me of my hiatus, but.... well..... actually it kind of did, but then I bought and art magazine, came home, read it and felt like I'd eaten a double pack of oreo biscuits... kind of sickly sweet and nauseated but incredibly empty.....

OH GOD. It was so hot by then that I hid in the bath...

thursday - I hid in the bath, sweated, typed a lot, cut and pasted a lot. It was hot.

Friday - I hoped the cool change would help.... I felt nauseous, started typing a hell of a lot, realised I was getting NOWHERE fast... sighed, wrote a grovelling lettter to my supervisor, banged my head on the desk.

I got a headache.

during the week my eating disorder indulgence had been tempered by the heatwave - though I experimented with dreamy creamy cafe con nelo variations..... and ate a lot of salad..... but my arms felt too big for my t-shirts, and I realised I couldn't zip up any of my summer frocks. shit.

Reduced to black t-shirt and black jeans, I decided to trek over to SAVERS to seek out some flimsy coloured raiments in size 16. SAVERS reminds me of the last white trash corner of brooklyn... (or brown trash maybe....) or even more - the Keskutori shops in finland. Racks and racks and racks of polycotton cast offs sorted according to colour, and lots of people jostling in the aisles looking for a bargain.... and there's so much stuff you think that there *must* be something, but ultimately the whole effect swamps you in a morass of discarded consumer fads that the eyes glaze, and everything looks beige.....

by this stage, the sun had returned, and I was feeling grumpy and so sick of the sight of second hand stretch knits that I decided to head down the hill for new stretch knits in airconditioned comfort. OH GOD. The K-Hole of Brunswick is one of those scary portals to hell that crop up in the weirdest of places like Chastwood and lithgow. I went into Kmart, and spent 2 hours trying on 10 different variations of ladies/girls t-shirts, and support singlets, before deciding that shopping mall gelato tones didn't actually cut it as my kind of bright. THE ONLY pants in my size were MATERNITY faecal coloured capris with drawstring waists. the shit trifecta! what a way to cover the arse..... hell. I went home and decided to hide naked in the flat till I lose weight or wait till the weather cools off.

fortunately renaissance girl took pity on me, drove me to some cliffs and we romped on the sand and ate chips..... today I printed out the big scary bit and cut and pasted and rearranged it and DECONSTRUCTED every trace of that evil paragraph line by line, with my trusty stanley knife......