Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Because That's What Girls Do

Dear all,

For those of you who rang and consoled me I have infinite thanks.
It was very hard to talk about.

and now, welcome to the part of the story that should inspire some sort of crazed mysoginist rant.

She was prementstrual.

She changed her mind.

Sounds unreasonable?

yes, and so were the amount of times one ahem one errr prefers to write this in french

bon d'accord - les occasiones de ma joissance apres, plus que mes doigts! on est hereuse, on est content.

Or as we say in english the make up is worth the break up. Stupid and banal bloody language - no wonder I keep aquiring others

I mean I love the language - love its bastardry - love the sounds from my nose as I drawl my strine -
but moments like these.......

joissance in english

oohhhhhhh fuck fuggin fuggin fuck me oh fuggin ohhhhh!!!!

is kind of OK I guess - but you can't imagine Serge Gainsbourg sticking it on a song and making into a hit.

I don't mean to trivialise the vacillations of my better half either.

Yes she was pre menstrual

No I would not dare every mention this to her face.

Survival lesons of loving women 101: DON'T MENTION THE WAR - or the immanence of lady stain season.

Just don't. ever.

calling an irrational foaming at the mouth beast an irrational foaming at the mouth beast will not save ones head from being bitten off.

and I think she had some serious problems.

I think we have some serious problems

Not the least being my apparent tendencies to be an irrational foaming at the mouth beast.

Or just a fridge (Stick me in the corner and stuff me with food and I'll be content)

Anyway things are better for the moment.

After four days of shock - I sobbed a lot. And painted a lot. and she started to soften and call me "sartrean". I think it was a complicated literary reference. I imagine that she thinks I'm a small ugly bespectacled self obsessed philanderer.

She says it and acts more kindly towards me. I'm happy. I even cleared enough books off my bed to make way for a doona.

Sleeping together is actually a big problem.

I thought I had things sorted before we got together

After my last major sapphic implosion 9 years ago (one of those terrible relationships which still makes me shudder and turned the other party off women for life) I swore that I would not end up with a morning person - and that lovers showing eveidence of polysyllabic interaction before 11am would be exocmmunicated.

I spent a number of years damaging my liver and self respect by the tried and true methods of insomnious alcoholism :
Step 1 stay out all night slowly sinking schooners.
Step 2 who ever is left standing as the stars start fading -can be dragged home for the sorts of conjugal comforts inspired by the functioning few cells of a guinness addled limbic brain.
Step 3 fall asleep in sweaty tangle
Step 4 wake up in the afternoon and injest coffee
Step 5 return to step 1.

It is testament to a lot of luck and the mildness of most men (at least of the innner city beer swilling insomnious variety) that I am still on speaking terms with most of the co-conspirators in the above flaccid frolics. anyway it reinforced my anti morning prejudices. I felt safe from ever having to hear the the sultry strains of a pneumatic nymphette cooing into my ear "Lets go joggin down to Glebe for a Fruit whip" as the bare strains of a harsh morning light raked into my vampiric skull..........

However true love ain't sensitive to such things. And I got with Anna in another time zone. and there was always the language barreir to contend with.

Result? I live with a morning nymph.

I hate mornings! - except the soft sennsations of sunlight on my sheets as I snuggle beneath them.
I hate the impicit self righteousssnesss of people who assume that waking up early implies some sort of moral superiority.

*IF ONLY* I could give them a dose of my brain at 4am.

For the past 20 years I have woken up pretty much every day between 3am and 4am.

I have tried most things including sleeping tablets, excercises, medication, meditation, masturbation, yoga, whisky, hot milk, chiropractors, deepak chopra, illicit drugs, illicit sex, illicit literature, psychoanalysis, chinese herbs, western herbs (valerian makes me hyper), acupuncture, futons, waterbeds, hard floors, soft floors, lots and lots of things.

the best thing I have found that works -is to get up and do stuff -do the stuff I wnat to do when I want to do it. It makes everything a lot easier for eveyrone - except anyone else in my bed at the time.

In short, I am very difficult to live with.

Was Sartre and insomniac too?

It's her birthday today and whe's working tonight -and I should prepare a romantic dinner.
Except I'm getting the flu and feel like tinnned tomato soup and fish fingers (yep at such times my cultural roots emerge)

and I'm buying her peking duck tomorrow probably.

maybe I'll do tinned tomato soup and fish fingers by candelight????

maybe I'll get my head bitten off -
maybe I'll call it something french -
la soup du boit avec les doigts dun extrait de poisson industrielle??????

mias non, pas de tout

I've decided to add recipes

ehr's some for flu tea.

the biodynamic masochistic version. Guaranteed if it don't kill you - then it will kill whatever'd go into you.

3 red bastard chillies - for the heat - kinda numbs your throat and makes your nose run
1 head of garlic - natural antiviral, natural antibiotic
3 inch length of fresh ginger - good for fever
Tablespoon of dried fenungreek - excellent for cattarrh

Leave the fenungreek seeds as they are and chuck em in a pot whihc you birng to the boil. Peel, cut grate all the rest of the above. or smite it to gobbets as they used to say in middle english.
chuck in saucepan with water and boil up, boil down and simmer for a bit. Not too long or the fenungreek goes bitter, meanwhile squeeze as many elmons as you can.

Mix lemons with tea. Add some Senega and ammonia mixture (also great expectorant)
Feed this to the poor sick sod you are looking after. Enjoy you role as the sadistic nurse or add some honey or scotch to help wash it down.

Actually if you are sick and alone - you deserve the recipe below.

go to supermarket and buy one bottle of instant lemon squeeze, one bottle of buderim ginger syrup, on jar of cheap honey, and one bottle of scotch. Mix the first three ingredients with a bit of water and heat in mirowave for 30 seconds. Then add a good splash of scotch, go to bed, read some trash and fall asleep.


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