This is one of those crazy posts that come out of disturbed sleep patterns.
In four hours, I'll get up, have a shower, make coffee, have breakfast, get a lift with the wife across town, go to the gym (gasp yes), and go to work....
Meanwhile I've been making work, preparing work, installing work for the show on thursday night...
(btw I'm in a group show called "Addition Erasure" that opens at VCA Margaret Lawrence Gallery on Feb 18)
And part of me is so amazingly excited to be making work, and to see it come together, and part of me is tired as hell, and frustrated at how hard it is to sit down and spend HOURS and HOURS on making small crazy things, when I've got to get up and go to work, and maintain a life as well.
In previous shows, I've been able to drop everything for a week or two and immerse myself in materials. I've also come from a position of a sustained practice.
This time, I feel like I've hit the ground running - dragging my fingers and increasingly failing eyes to their limits. Desperately trying to catch up and create a body of work in a short space of time.
Once this is over, I go back to my regular "hobby" occupation of writing research papers!
and I'm wondering where I'm meant to find the time, and what I've done with my life, and what I'm doing with my life and what I want to do.
this is nothing new.....
but my day job is an intense stimulating research position, in a field that is different to my own, so my own PhD research is pushed somewhere to the background... and then there is my somewhat lapsed art practice/career which I'm still pretty invested in and ideally feeds into my own research.....
And I don't want to let go of these interests or this expertise, and I don't think I can be happy with art as a hobby (just noting my rapidly decreasing interest in drawing once it stopped being linked to anything else apart from the moment of its practice is proof of that)
and I wonder how I'm meant to be doing all of this when I haven't even had time or energy to read a book, for.... AGES
Is this standard post-doc dilemma?