Endings, Exes, and Exmas......

Awww gawwwd.......

it's a skanky night tonight and I'm not even in Adelaide - tho probably the closest I'll be for a while.

i'm heading up north to the anus for xmas and to introduce the Missus to excalibur's sword and the replica stonehenge... and my Mum. Renaissance girl will probably have the least culture shock of any of my exes.... she's even lived in a cnutry town so knows the code of socially acceptable closet baring...... and all the other stuff.

i'm not sure if I'm ready for it... I mean i was there only 12 months ago - and feeling kind of torn between having spent half my life there, and half in Sydney... and I still can't believe that i've actually left Sydney - or to be living somewhere that seems so strangely familiar and yet so different.....

and there's there's the tome - which I'm taking up with me to edit in corners......

We'll hang in sydney for a couple of weeks - to eat fresh seafood and sea real surf and cliffs and smell tropical flowers and feel sweat drizzle around suncream, and then it's back here for tome completion...

I'm really sick of my thesis at the moment. sick of writing, sick of having it hanging over my head, sick of not knowing how or what to do as a dole management strategy to ensure I have enough cash flow to keep me fed, and keep me sane till I submit. I'm sick of my own incredible inneficiency and the way it has bled into other area sof my life..... I ahven't even packed my bags for tomorrow! Everything has become a heaving chore of procrastination. Study is hell. I can't even enjoy a decent bit of theory anymore wihtout wringing my hands at potential footnotes...... and yet if I confine myself to lite words I go mad - ok not mad - just deeply deeply bored......

anywya - following Lauren's example - I'm going to include a summary year of 2008 - (also because i wasn't able to blog very much) . this year was a completely insane year for lots of reasons.... and yet really wonderful in others....

January
Fell in love with renaissance girl
drafted chapter 5
sensations: mangoes, ocean, couscous in pg-arc, quad at midnite

February
compound become disaster zone - horror horror horror
I fled to mates' couches
applied for a casual lecturing job
drafted a paper on bad drawing
started work on chapter 6
sensations: long phone calls at night in main quad, 2minute noodles in pg-arc, quad at midnite

March
found the mousecave and Moved out of the compound after 9 years
Started lecturing job at COFA. Read "the order of things" in an afternoon
turned 37. lectured in singapore
what Mardis Gras? what thesis?
sensations: renaissance girl's biceps, books on a the back of a truck, sore back, cockroaches, laundromats


April
scholarship OVER. terror! terror! terror!
compound being total arseholes: horror! horror! horror!
Lectured and tutored art history
no mobile reception, internet or phone in the mousecave, mousecave bloody cold and damp
brief holiday in melbourne
what thesis?
sensations: stripey shirts, cufflinks, pin striped trousers, ALFALFA HOUSE, buckwheat noodles, tamari, eggplant

May
Lectured in singapore again
bought glasses and electronica
Gave paper on Chapter 6 in progress
Moved my studio into a storage unit.
sensations: bourdieu, deleuze, podzilla, dumplings, sore back, acute financial stress, marking, COFA canteen cuisine

June
end of semester: marking, poverty, precarity
mousecave overrrun by mice
gave a departmental seminar on schappylle scragg
tutored blogging in penrith
did lots of marking at uni... scared essays would be eaten by mice
what thesis?
sensations: mousepiss, ratsac, mould, vacuuming, aircon, flouro lights, all-nighters at uni, scotch & stillnox

July
Mum's 70th birthday
Holidays with renaissance girl
Started working at ICE
Got the flu
Elizabeth Grosz's new book... hooray!
oh! thesis! if only!
sensations: pink scarf, black furry coat, damp lungs, manoush and potato scallops at Granville, green rat poo, vacuuming

August
Lecturing again, and working at ICE
finishing a rough first draft
when the going gets tough the touch get out: i gave notice on my flat
sensations: pgarc at night, the feel of 90000 words, manoush and potato scallops at Granville, bad corporate drag, COFA canteen cuisine

September
the return of spring! and Podzilla
filled the lanes with my kitchen, gave away/sold art, furniture, etc...
Nanna Madges Irigary singalong
Extreme sports tetris filling storage container with my books, art.... and that other stuff
garden party rained out and had to get friends to pack my house, shift boxes...
posted 10 boxes of notes to melbourne, sent 3 crates on a greyhound bus... I flew
sensations: white almond blossoms, sunshine, smiles, cuddles, not sleeping at all, then sleeping a lot, cat snores, black plastic, depot girl.....

October
moved into the brunswick love palace
unpacked boxes, started to work on the tome
sensations: smooth dry sunshine, skin on carpet, brown parks, Sydney Road, organza, muesli, coffee, holland blinds

November
More of the same
Moreland centrelink
lots of sewing, THE AGE

December
Rain, study, facebook, cuddles, cat, love