Monday, May 08, 2006

Lady Pain

Sometimes I think I could write a self help book on how to survive a breakup. Sometimes I think im doing so well, that i'm so strong, that this has been a positive learning experience from which I am growing and will grow.

someitmes I feel equanimous about ABEL, even about SLUT. I wish them well. I feel glad about the past and look forward to a bright wise future of firm firendhip and fond memories.

then there are days when I want to beg her to take me back. Even if she has to fake it. I'll pretend, I do along with it. anything. I miss her smell, her hnds, her bits. It aches. every single cell aches.I curl up and sob and moan and beg silently that somehow I'll survive this.that I wont have to feell it agian, or forever, or for much longer, or forever, or whatever.

Yesterday; ladypain, sadness, fatigue, psycho slandering neigbour. I los thte plot. so so sad, and she was the only person who could comfort me. I needed her. Happy to accept whatever care she could give. No we didn't fuck. Just hugged, held. needed.

she fed me last night and then I had indigenstion from hell at about 4am. another night of shit sleep. Another 5kgs lost. SOmetimes the physicla pain is easier than....what a cliche!

so sad. Went to the MCA yesterday to escape. the doco about cahun made me so full of longing. two mad women playing dressups. Defiant, crazy, brilliant. It's gone now.

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