Monday, August 29, 2005

Dayglo and disarray

Thinking abut Taussig - I went and bought my first piece of serious danger wear from GOLO today. Its an orange/black polar. It is snug (quite unlike the snugness of a warm grey coat as Walter Benjamin would have put it). I'm going to embellish it for Paris in the winter. Its so grey there - I wanna look like a dayglo pink haired furry freak.
Anway - I reckon the orange & black fleecy will go down a treat for the Forbes bash tomorrow. I was thinking of goin as the virign mary - but didn't want to have bare feet - and was scared of freezing out on the harboar - or tripping over my robes. And then I decided to join in with the cheerleaders - and considered going as Elvis. Thing is - my neighbours bright yellow bedazzled jumpsuit whihc would go down a treat with my elvis sunnies - but then it'd leave my chest exposed (never a good thing for an athsmatic in August).
I reckon I wanna feel secure safe and happy - and that's just what danger wear can do. Plus I'll match the cheerleaders costume of orange and black.
"We're Sexy
We're Cute
We're Radical to Boot"
Shit I'd better learn my lines before tomorrow. I've got a blond wig - so maybe I'll go femme?

In the meantime - I'm avoiding my anger and avoiding my (lover's) bed. she's drunk again (and what would you do on a monday afternoon, huh?). I felt serene for about 15 minute after she bumbled into my room. Then felt enraged. Then thought I'd better leave. the wall came up. No emotions displayed. Cool calm collected right? One of the disadvantages of living in a commune is that there is always someone around who wants to drink or smoke the day away in company. It is NOT a good place for chemical recovery. We've got a quite a few alcoholics, but mercifully the junkies have faded away. Living with stoners has made me understand the time wasting, irrational, ridiculous & obscene policies of marijuana prohibition. Stoners are FUCKING ANNOYING and INSANELY BORING to be around. Imagine a drug that makes people become fascinated by television. No wonder people banned it - just to encourage some discretion amongst the breakfast billie brigade.......... AM I being irrationally intolerant? Yes. Actually the T&S is surprisingly ok with substances weedal, its just the bottle thats a killer. Thurday, tipsy, friday drunk alone (she calls it painting), saturday OK, sunday ok, Monday not OK. Tuesday she works, Wednesday I want to go to an opening & if i ask her i risk having to drag home someone acting like a hyperactive 3 year old with gross motor skill failure. fun.

While I'm having a whinge - I'll throw in the OTHER highlight of the week whihc is the "reality check" that the office of community housing are dong on my premises this friday afternoon. Yes I do have a uni seminar and wuold rather suck sperm but I'll be there speaking the double speak. A real reality check would invlve me punching the bureaucrat in the face, instread of WASTING EIGHT HOURS OF MY LIFE trying to find some fucking documents that can pretend that the artists coop where I live - is actually a management consultants wet dream.

These people want us to produce: a Strategic plan, Strategic Policies, Strategic Procedures and show minutes illustrating the development and implementation of all three, PLUS a Risk Management plan, risk Management Policies, risk Management Procedures and show minutes illustrating the development and implementation of all three, PLUS an Asset Management plan, Asset Management Policies, Asset Management Procedures and show minutes illustrating the development and implementation of all three, PLUS a financial management plan, financial management Policies, financial management Procedures and show minutes illustrating the development and implementation of all three. I have summarised this a bit and left out the bullshit for responsive maintenance versus long term maintenance, and our accountability to key stakeholders. I'm trying to stick to the latter for which I'm officially responsible as treasurer, but each time I leave the house and venture into the courtyard - the few neighbours not swilling booze, smoking joints or having drug/alcohol induced fits of delusion - come an harrass me about all the other shit. "Have you read the document?" I ask. "err, no" they say.

Now the bitter pill of general yen in this case is that TEN YEARS AGO I had a very brief stint in the public service, I learnt the jargon and recited it in a classic fit of hysterical mimesis - upon each pissy memorandum I could devise. I HATED WORKING IN AN OFFICE. I hated the double speak - the anti service imperative of administration. I loathed it wiht all my soul - and tried to get the sack by turning up to work under the influence of a number of chemicals. Eventually when I realised I was harming myself more than anyone else, I left. I decided I would rather DUMPSTER DIVE, and BEG than work in such an envirnoment. It is all about LYING for a living. So I studied art & end of story until I moved into affordeable housing for artists - a rare and precious beast (see Squatting and the recovering catholic for my account at the time). GRadually the Dearetment of housing have been putting on the screws. We won't show tem the studio, and will promise sincerly to stop running any activities that aren't part of the core service delivery charter of the department of housing guidleine (like I'd READ THAt SHT! come ON!!!). And exress my delight to be made aware of the current benchmakrs for the Key performance indicators which they have used to assess our eligiblity for registration. LIKE AS IF i'D FUCKING GIVE A FUCKING TOSS!!!!!

For the past 2 years - I have-done 8 hours a week - every week - worth of volunteer work for the Housing Coop. I see it as a fair enough trade off for paying $50 per week for a big room and a studio in inner city sydney. I am willing to translate and engage with the stupid language - as I am freakishly (and contrary to 99.999% of public housing tenants) - fluent in it. right now - the coop has about 10 OK to good volunteers living here - which is better than at any time in the past 6 years I've lived here - and yet - this s no where near enough. The DOH model of cooperative management- requires that we wuld each spend 5-10 hours on ADMINISTRATION ALONE. So my economic rationalist brain - is starting to do the calculations.......... and I'd rather teach for a whole day (or model for 2 days) - and earn about $300 and pay rent in some commerical shitbox - than live with this shit. I guess that's their intention. Drive out the non white trash - who are able and interested to take a managment/advocacy/contesting role within coops - and leave the stupid, braindead, drugfucked cruisers - who'll just cling on - till they're cast out and forced to find another liferaft. You think I sound cynical? 6 years of living around "Newtown artists" kind of does that to a person. Actually the artists here aren't the problem - its more the friends of friends who've moved in for the cheap rent and access to the fun filled shopping delights of king street. groan. or the local cafes. groan again. takers. unspeakably boring.

anyway - this is a long winded way of saying that I am quite likely to lose my home next year. ho hum! welcome back to the real world I guess.

1 comment:

rapunzel.emma said...


Sorry about your housing situation. It is hard jumping through hoops and, yes, it some ways it's easier to let the dream die. Remember change is not a bad thing, even if it seems bad at the time.

It also sounds like your GF's drinking is hurting you a lot. Remember to "give yourself a chance".